Frustrated

Ok, my oldest two daughters came back home on Sunday. It's now Tuesday night, and I am already sliding back to my old ways. While my youngest two kids are pretty easygoing and quiet and well behaved, my older two are loud and backtalking and probably a lot closer to how I was as a teenager. My mother cursed me and said I'd have kids just like me. I've done the same to mine, so the tradition continues.

Anyway, it had been an alright day, but stress was building. Early this morning before I went to bed, I cleaned my kitchen really well. Got the dishwasher running with all the dirty dishes, organized things, scrubbed the stove and counters, etc. I also picked up in the living room quite a bit. My dining area table was still covered in stuff the girls had just tossed on it when they came home plus school supplies, empty shopping bags, etc.

So, I wrote out notes. One to all the girls and then one to each girl individually. The one to all of them told them good morning and to please make their beds and pick up everything of theirs from the dining table before going out to see friends or play etc. That's really not a HUGE chore for a kid to do, really.

I wrote one to Hubby too, telling him to make sure to wake up Corina to drive him to work and bring back the van so I could go grocery shopping. Also to pay a bill on the way to work and left him the check. - He did this. :)

The one I wrote to Corina reminded her to be safe when driving and to dump the garbage on the back porch at the dump after she got her brakes fixed on her car. - she got the brakes fixed and was careful, but said it started to rain everytime she decided to come home to get the garbage. Convenient huh? Plus She didn't make her bed or get her stuff off the table.

The one I wrote to Rhiannon said to hang up the clothes from the washer on the clothes line and start a new load. And later when they were dry, hang up the second load after bringing in the first load. No biggie. - Well, she hung up the first set, started a second load, then asked to walk to her friend's house over the hill. I had just woken up then and must not have thought to make sure the first note was done. She did not get her stuff off the table either.

The note to Faelyn told her to unload the dishwasher and then make the dining room table look nice again after everyone put their stuff away and to spend 15 minutes cleaning her room. - Well, she unloaded the dishwasher, but she couldn't do the table because the older two didn't get their stuff off it. I did have to remind her to clean her room. I didn't followup on that though. She did have to come with me to go grocery shopping and then had to take the clothes off the line when we got home while I got groceries in since it had started to rain and Rhiannon wasn't home to do it. So I was happy with Faelyn overall.

I told Zoe to scoop the litter box and to get her clothes and toys out of our bathroom from when she'd taken a bath in our tub. She did the bathroom stuff ok, but I had to remind her to scoop the litter box, but she did it just fine then. She also went shopping with me and helped bring in groceries and put them away.

I texted Rhiannon and Corina after I got back from shopping and told them whatever they left on the table was mine. They swore they didn't leave anything. So I guess I get to keep the bag with over $10 in it from when Rhiannon went to the store yesterday without her purse. I get to keep the Nickelback concert tour TShirt Corina was going to give her fiancee. Plus other stuff that wasn't as nice. Of course when I texted them all this they got all upset, yet still took their sweet time to come home and get their stuff.

In fact I ended up in a yelling match with Corina on the phone over stuff on the dining table... WHY??? And Rhiannon got all mad at me and demanded I give her money back which I refused to do til she remembered to ask politely (though there was acid in her voice).

Then tonight while I was working in a very busy areas online and could not get up and leave my computer, the kids started fighting and yelling and woke up their dad who had to go to bed early since he works early tomorrow. So, no it wasn't an ideal situation for us as parents, but it's something we have to deal with. We need my income at this time in our lives. So, unfortunately they woke him up and the fighting continued, til he had to go break it up. Oh he was mad. He put the fear of Dad into them that's for sure! My first 15 break was soon after that, so I went to the hallway of their rooms and I made it plain that I was not going to let them run all over us and take over this house again. I had it running smoothly and peacefully while they were gone and THEY were going to do things MY way. I was NOT going to put up with their nonsense anymore.

I really have to break this cycle now. My oldest, Corina is usually pretty good, though she was the spoiled one and still is and thinks she can tell us what she's going to do. We've given her too much freedom really, and it's about to be reeled in.

Rhiannon is an excellent child - when she's alone. Which is funny cause she gets bored so easily and is always coming to my room to hang out. She has 3 sisters, but hates being around them. She has a huge posse of friends and loves to be with them, but she can't stand being with siblings. She is very much an individual. She got her hair cut, styled and colored in New York and it looks awesome, but might be a bit much for this area. We live in a very conservative area. And while I am a devoted Christian and strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and all that, I am a liberal as is my husband, and our kids have taken on our wide open view of the world. I would rather they be open to new ideas than to be too narrowminded to see the road God may lay before them. Not everyone is meant to travel the same road as everyone else. So anyway, she's a handful and sparks fly when one of her sisters does something to tick her off. She has a wild temper. She's controlling it a lot better, and isn't nearly as rantish and childish as she used to be, but it's still rough sometimes.

So these are my struggles right now. I have to regain the control I had over my household these last 3 weeks when I only had 2 kids here. I have to figure out how to incorporate the 13 yr old and 17 yr old into the routine so they feel they are part of this new "thing" going on. Of course I had started trying to be a better wife and mother before they left, but I'm sure they figured when they came back, things would just go back to the way they were before. I let it happen for a couple of days and I do not like it. It feels WRONG to live like I used to.

For instance tonight one of the reasons people were fighting was due to Hubby being in a bad mood and being upset that I didn't call him to tell him he needed to call Corina to come get him after work. See, I was supposed to pick him up at 5pm when he got off work, but he texted early on and said I needed to have Corina shuttle me back home after shopping so he'd have the van since he had to work late and his boss had yelled at him. Well after shopping it was storming and the radio said it would be a bad storm, plus Corina's tires are not good and her brakes were going to be worked on. So, I texted him and said to just call when he was getting off work, and Corina would come get him then. Well, he can't read his texts during work, just at lunch and after work. But still I figured he would turn on his phone when he got off work to see if we had sent him any texts (I would anyway). Instead, he gets ready to go and sees the van is not there and it's pouring down rain. he hits my number on his speed dial and gets Rhiannon since I gave her my old phone which upset him even more so he yells at Rhiannon to tell Corina to go get him. So Rhiannon calls Corina to go get Dad, then I called Hubby asking why he was all upset. He yelled at me for not CALLING him at work to tell him to call Corina before he got off work. I reminded him that his boss was there (district manager) as well as the price auditor and that I didn't want to bother the front desk people or have him get a personal call while they might still be there. I mean I DID text him to tell him what to do. Because he TEXTED me to tell me to meet Corina at his store AFTER unloading groceries (and I'd have to take the 2 younger ones with me) then have Corina drive us all back home so we could leave the van there for him to be able to just drive home when he got off work. Did I mention it was storming and her tires are bald? Sorry, just not putting 3 of my kids at risk like that. I just wish it hadn't caused such bad feelings this evening. I know behind it all, he's just upset about work. He had a very bad day, and it was easy to take it out on this situation. No one's perfect, certainly not me. I could have handled it better I am sure, but I know it bothered me a LOT when I was yelling at him and arguing. I don't like to fight and argue with him - though it used to be the only way we communicated. It used to be familiar and comfy, now it feels wrong. God is really changing us for the better, I can feel it, just have to take it a day at a time.

Comments

  1. Life is all about growing and changing. Sometimes it feels wonderful to stretch but at other times it just seems to cause nothing but trouble!

    It can be hard to get everyone in the household on board with helping out. I find with mine it works best to use a reward system instead of a take away system. It feels so much better too for me to be able to say, "Hey, you earned this!" Instead of "You lost that!" I mean they are choosing how big they want the reward to be then. It doesn't feel like I am nagging and fussing at that point. I told my daughters the other day that I was going to start earning rewards when I do their chores and when I earn enough *I* get to go do something special with Daddy .....without them because they won't have enough!! Ha, ha they didn't know what to make of that!

    Also with my son he has a lot of ADD tendencies and if he sees a big jumble of mess (like the stuff on the table or if his room is trashed)he will do everything possible to avoid doing any of it. So if I come at it like "Hey, I got all this so and so done could you please just do this?" it works better with him. Maybe separate it in piles, for instance.

    Sorry it's been a rough day for you. If you read my blog you will see mine was a little stressful too. Maybe it was a full moon in the South??? :) Just keep trying. It will get better! Blessings!

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  2. Thanks for the comment. I do believe we must have a full moon here abouts or something in the air hehe. If it doesn't stop raining I'm going to build an ark! lol Maybe that's why we're all on edge, so much rain.

    I do like the idea of rewards. I'm going to have to look at how I can reward them. We used to do that, but I am ADD myself, and I forget about things so easily. My household binder is working great though, so I can put a reminder in it to check rewards. Thanks for the idea!!

    I like the idea of taking their reward points and getting to keep them LOL, That would get their goat hehe.

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I love getting comments, and I read every one. Thanks for coming by my site and reading my ramblings. I hope you have a wonderful day! -Patty

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