A little bummed (Ok a LOT)

Well first of all I must start this blog entry with a joyful praise. We got up in time and made it to Sunday School at our new church for the first time. We had no idea what to expect, and got there a little late, we thought, but it all worked out and we all got taken to the correct rooms. Our teacher is actually our associate pastor who preaches the most and I really like him. He's very outgoing and personable and friendly. I felt kind of bad for him because there were only 3 couples in his class and we all seemed to be the shy type. He kept asking for input and none of them said anything except once and it was a short statement. However what floored me was when he asked us to tell of a joy in our hearts, my husband spoke up and said the girls and I were such a joy to him and he loved us so much and was so thankful to God for us. Oh I started crying right there. Could not believe it! The rest of the class was kid of weird and quiet, because both the other couples seemed very sedate and almost depressed. We later found out one of them has good reason. In fact they did an anointing service for the wife because she was ill and they could not find out what was wrong. (She looked fine and healthy to me, but I don't know the details - just seemed odd), but it was interesting to see the anointing service. I'll be praying for her. It made me feel quite peaceful and good about the church, especially knowing how ill Christopher has been. I know that kind of real love and heartfelt compassion would mean a lot more to him than the visit from the deacon of that church I used to go to that he didn't like.

Well, anyway after church, we went to the bigger city nearby (our church is 30 minutes from home), and went to the mall. I'd begun to realize lately that I was wearing the same things over and over and I had less and less pretty things that made me feel good. I wanted to be pretty for my husband and my own self esteem, and not just wear old slouchy t shirts and sweat pants. But to be honest, I have gained SO much weight I'm down to very few clothes that fit at all, and the ones that do have been worn to death. I looked through my blouses and they were all either stained or had holes in them or were pilling up - or I'd work them the last time we went to church. So I ended up having to get a mock turtleneck out of the winter clothes *pile*, and it was in the 80s today. So, I wanted to go to lane Bryant to their clearance racks and find some cute tops at low prices. Ummm NO. It's almost liked they marked them up to mark them down again! I am just not paying $30 for a shirt on the clearance rack. not happening.

So, we went on to TJ Maxx and they had some cute things after we finally found the 3 tiny racks of plus size clothes. One I really liked as it set off the silver in my hair which I thought was cool... but it showed way too much of my thigh-sized arms, so I put it back. Then on to Target. Had one thing I liked, but it was an overshirt and I need one-piece items I can just throw on, not something that HAS to have something under it. We did stop by the book store and let the girls spend their allowances there. I have no problem with them blowing it all on books. That's cool.

On the way out of town, we stopped at CATO, which I LOVE! Finally! I got a peasant skirt and two tops for $24 :) I wanted to see if our town's CATO had a different size in that skirt, so I stopped here and looked. They didn't have the smaller skirt, but I can pin it or having it taken in a tiny bit. It fits ok, but I prefer things a little snugger than this skirt is. Anyway, I ended up getting another blouse and a linen black and white skirt I LOVE. At home, I wasn't as crazy about the blouse anymore. I'm going to exchange it for another linen skirt since they are marked down to $10.99 for such gorgeous patterned linen, lined ankle length skirts. I want the brown and tan one.

Anyway, the whole reason I'm bummed, is that I used to enjoy going clothes shopping, but when I saw the sizes I was having to get to fit well... it was depressing. I feel big and swollen and whale-ish. Meanwhile, a good friend of mine (about the only female friend I really see on a regular basis... well only one at all really) used to be a heavier girl too... but since she's been into Arbonne and has been taking their protein shakes, she's lost a TON of weight and looks so skinny now. She's had back surgery too, so she's not even exercising really, just taking these shakes! Well I don't have the Arbonne shakes (YET!), but the grocery store had Slim Fast shakes on sale, so I grabbed two 6-packs. I'm tired of being this big. I'm tired of trying on cute clothes and seeing them turn hideous on me. I have a long road ahead of me, but I really hope I can lose at least some of it, and get healthier.

Ok, I'm procrastinating now about those kids' lunches. It's 3:45am Monday, and I've been up since 8am Sunday morning. I'm dragging! I just want to sleep... Ok, must get motivated to get them fed or I'll fall alseep sitting here!

Have a great week, y'all!

Comments

  1. Oh, my that can really be depressing! I know that feeling of looking in the mirror and wondering where did I go? That can NOT be me staring back! But it sounds like you found some really cute clothes! That will help motivate you to take better care of yourself.

    Some people do not like the shakes but I do. I can't take that much milk though so what I do when I drink them is buy the richest chocolate flavor powder and get the Light Chocolate soy milk. I don't have a blender to crush the ice in so I use one of those icee machine things, chop a handful of ice and put that in. It gives a little something to "chomp" on and I feel more satisfied than if I just drink the shake.

    That is just great about your worship experience yesterday! After everything your family has been through I know you could probably really relate to the lady in need of prayer.

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I love getting comments, and I read every one. Thanks for coming by my site and reading my ramblings. I hope you have a wonderful day! -Patty

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