Mix of Emotions

Just finished bawling my eyes out. Work is incredibly stressful - not due to the job, but due to one of my supervisors. I know he doesn't like me and thinks I'm an idiot. His brain works so much differently than mine, and I guess I'm just a dumb old lady to him. It might not even be as bad as I think it is... it might all just be me imagining things that aren't really that bad. It's kind of tough to gauge when working online and only interact with chatting. On top of that, my dishwasher has stopped working, and it's made me much more upset than I thought it would. At first it just wouldn't drain, so I did some remedies I saw online and checked it later and the water was gone, so I filled it and ran it, but now it's not spraying any water at all apparently. I am just so dependent on it now to keep my kitchen clean. It's really a tiny kitchen as far as counter space goes, and dirty dishes just take up space and make it look bad and bring back my sadness. I don't want that to come back. I use SO many dishes in a day. Making breakfast, packing lunches and making dinner for six people... sigh. My 13 yr old is the one who has dishes as her chore, and I might as well be asking the dog to do the dishes. I think she washed maybe 1 sink full this afternoon. Even if the dishwasher were running there's enough to fill it twice right now, and I have lunches to make and breakfast to make.

Did I mention our new pastor is coming over tomorrow at 2pm... UGH! Well, not UGH that he's coming to visit, but UGH that my dishwasher picked this time to die.

My main reason to venting today though is that something actually occurred to me today...

I don't get any real downtime. If you happened to read my Day in the Life post a few days ago, you notice that as soon as I wake up and get dressed and make my bed etc, my day is off and running. In fact that post really just glossed politely over what my days are really like.

I've been waking up around 3pm these days from sheer exhaustion because I stay up so late in the mornings with the kids. Ok, so my oldest gets home around 3pm so she comes in and hogs the bathroom while I am stumbling around trying to wake up and get ready. Then 13 and 11 yr olds come in and get in line for the bathroom (did I mention only my master bathroom is working at the moment?). So finally get them out of here and finish getting ready, then it's immediately time to get them to do homework, chores, I try to tidy up, get lunch bags emptied, get them snacks, etc. There's usually lots of screaming an yelling because "she's touching me!" or "she stole my pencil" or "quit pulling my hair!!!" ... and these are my older ones. Then Zoe the 7 yr old comes in and needs me to sit and listen while she reads ....each.....word.....in....the....very.....long.....reading....story.....so.....I....can....sign.....that.....she.....read.....it. ACK! I do love her to death, but it's been a month since they started school, and sometimes my patience isn't what it should be. It's not that I don't WANT to sit and listen - but my mind is constantly thinking of the things I need to do, whether the other girls are doing their tasks, you name it.

Ok, so by now it's around 4:30. I know I need to start dinner by 5pm to get it all done and have time to sit together as a family to eat. The 4:30-5pm time seems to be my only real downtime I have- if you can call it that. Today it was spent trying to fix the dishwasher which didn't work. In fact trying to get it fixed and then trying to get 13 to wash dishes took up a lot of time. 6pm rolled around and 17 left to go to her boyfriend's house. I told her to be back by 8:30 to help get the kids in bed (and basically because I told her so). When I finally had dinner ready and went to set the table, I realized I was 5 minutes late to work!

I already mentioned work has been stressful.

8:45 rolls around, 17 isn't home. I texted her to come home and she basically told me the girls could get ready for bed without her and she'd be home later. I sent out a Twitter about it and her dad replied that she was to be grounded. Of course she didn't get those texts cause she's too cool to follow either of us on Twitter.

Thankfully Zoe did take a bath by herself but got soap in her eyes. I hope she rinsed her hair well enough. Rhiannon didn't do any more dishes (though 17 texted to tell me she wouldn't do them even if 17 were home to tell her to)... and Faelyn didn't really pick up the living room or clear the dining table.

Corina (17) got home at 10pm and acted like everything was fine. She showed me her photographs she'd taken in her new Photography class. When her dad got home at 10:30, all heck broke loose. I was of course still working. I didn't get a lunch break til midnight. I did get up to check on the state of the house and noticed Corina had not even folded or hung the clothes that has been in the dryer from the day before when I did laundry (cause she didn't do ANY yesterday). So yeah she washed one load and dried the wet ones, but never did anything with the dry clothes... and as I write this, I can guarantee she's not done another load, and the clothes she washed when she got home after school are still in the washer... well I yelled at her about not hanging those clothes cause they had her dad's dress shirts and stuff in it. Just added to the stress.

When I finally got a lunch break, I spent it trying to get the dishwasher working again. The water had drained out of it, so I hoped it was OK now. I filled it and ran it.

On my last break of the night I checked it. The soap was still sitting in the soap dispenser, trickling down the door. No water had been sprayed at all. *sobs*

Then back to work.

Finally work is over, and I have to go make lunches for all four girls and make muffins for breakfast. Then wake up the first set of girls and make sure they actually stay up and get ready. THEN I drag myself to bed.

Did you see anywhere in there where I got any "ME" time? I mean seriously that is a day in my life in reality. My entire waking moments are spent taking care of the family or working or fixing things and taking care of the house. I haven't watched a TV show since last Friday and that was only because I stayed up after hubby went to bed after our DVD date night. Actually, I went out to the store to get some things for the get together we were having on Saturday, so my TV time was cut to one 1/2 hour show on HGTV. I remember now.

So... my downtime? It's right now as I write this. I get off work at 3:15 and I write and read blogs until 3:45 when I go start lunches. By the time I get out there, HGTV will be infomercials. It's very depressing to not even get to sit and watch at least one favorite show at 5am when I *FINALLY* have a free moment before they wake up. But if I don't go get started on those lunches, I won't get that free moment either...

Have a great day everyone. I sure hope you all get time to sit with a cup of coffee or tea and a book or just enjoy the sunrise or set or go for a walk... I guess that's why I read blogs - to see other people living life.


  1. Hi there Patty. What line of work allows you to earn income from home? Eileen

  2. Hey Patty,
    First off {{{hugs}}} I'm so sorry you are having a stressful time! It is so hard to function when one, your body schedule is off due to the hours you work, two, said hours leave you exhausted, three, things are breaking down, four, life doesn't stop!

    In an effort to cut through to the heart of it is there anything you can do to slow things down for you? It might mean taking a full day at first to put some things in place but it would be worth it if it helped.

    Specifically I was thinking: Could you take one of your off days to do a lot of cooking ahead at once? Bake several batches of muffins at the same time and refridgerate them for the week. Go ahead and package them for each day so you don't have to stay up to do it. Fix some supper items ahead of time so you aren't scrambling at 5:00 pm to get it done and get to work. I don't know what your meals usually consist of but you could do some of your meats and vegetables ahead of time or casseroles,salads etc.Use freezer bags and it won't take up as much room in the fridge.

    With your laundry is there a way to stream line it since you have the dryer now?

    I don't mean to be simplistic, just hoping to give some ideas to bring some peace of mind. It can really be a battle sometimes to keep up. It sounds like the job, although great that you can work from home, is also bringing a lot of stress. You must take care of yourself! That means that some things may have to slide a bit. Protect your family relationships at all costs, don't worry if you can't be the perfect homemaker right now or do everything from scratch, and get back on a good sleeping schedule.

    Sorry for the long comment, but take care! :)

  3. First, thanks for visiting my site. I love meeting other moms. Second, a big BIG hug from me. Teens are... whew, teens are almost more work than babies sometimes. It's hard when they think they are too grown up to listen to mom but then act like such two-year-olds. Maybe you could have a family meeting and explain that just like they need time for themselves, so do you; let them know that you all are a team and should work together as such, sharing in the chores and tasks. Praying for you, for God's peace to comfort you and His strength to hold you up. :o) --Chris

  4. http://myblessedhome.blogspot.com/

    Check out the link to the left that says "around the house" esp.the emergency quick clean.
    I tried everything from Flylady to Messies Anon and this lady has succeed in getting my house in order.


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I love getting comments, and I read every one. Thanks for coming by my site and reading my ramblings. I hope you have a wonderful day! -Patty

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