Always Darkest Before the Light

The last week has been one of the hardest I've ever had taking into account there was nothing *major* going on. I won't compare it to when my Mom passed away or when my husband was laid off work or had a heart attack... but for an ordinary normal week, it was one of the worst ever.

I am fairly positive I'm in the beginning stages of Menopause which in itself is kind of scary. The hot flashes are rare, but they happen and make me want TO DIE! But the worst is the mood swings... OMG if you've read this blog much at all, you know how totally bonkers I am to start with,.. add pre-menopausal mood swings to that and WATCH OUT!

In fact, I had to make myself sit down on the couch for a date night movie with my husband and we watched "It's Complicated". Boy was that weird. The main couple in the movie divorced after 19 years of marriage. Our own 19th wedding anniversary is this October. We even talked lightly on how we would handle certain things the people in the movie were going through - if we were to get divorced. It was all kind of surreal. We both felt good about the movie's ending even though it wasn't what either of us thought it would be. But he and I never really have sat down and talked. Oh we talk AT each other, but a lot of the time it's snarky or almost emo comments. I know he's feeling down and wants to change things, but it's so hard for me to get out of that bad place when I get into it. I'm currently just about out of the hole and looking back down into it. I remember what it was like in there. It's dark, scary, and just overwhelming, like the walls are falling down on top of you.

I'm not sure what finally started the journey back towards the light, but I'm glad it happened. This is the last week of school and my oldest daughter graduates high school this Friday night. I have Fri and Sat off normally, but I requested Sun and Mon as well. I need the downtime to recover and spend time with my family and get my house clean.

So much has happened here in the last few months since I posted. Well, ok not a "lot", but enough to blog about for a while. I am going to try to blog throughout the summer to keep me on track. Last summer was such a good one for me, I am hoping I can find that again.

Here's a photo of me with my 13 yr old Rhiannon. This was before she left for the 8th grade dance.