Still sick, but trying to get stuff done and bless my husband.

Hello!  I hope you're all having a great Christmas season so far. Mine is certainly not as I'd hoped for or expected, but it could always be a lot worse, so I am thankful for our blessings.

The house payment got paid, even December's so we're good there. Finally! I've even talked to all the other bills we owe and have arrangements made so they're not calling Hubby at work anymore. Still playing the "floating" game with the overdraft in the checking account, but in a much better place than we have been recently. Still sticking to the plan Hubby and I promised each other we'd stick to. Excited to start seeing real rewards from that too.

I missed a night of work due to this cold/flu/whatever, which will hurt when the next paycheck comes. I can't seem to shake it, but I really don't want to see a Dr for it.  If it's a virus, they can't do anything anyway.  I don't think it's an infection because everything is still clear. I don't really have anything to take except ibuprofen since the kids and Hubby used up the stock of cold meds we had. That stuff's not cheap! I just wish I could stop coughing, sleep more than 4 hours at a time, and not feel like my ears are going to explode.

Of course this illness came at a terrible time.  I had just made a promise to myself and even talked to my husband a little about how I want to be a better wife,mother and homemaker, following the example set by the Proverbs 31 woman. As you know, it's not very easy to take care of a husband, kids and house even more than normal when you're sick.  I was reading the blogs I follow recently and I apologize but I have completely forgotten which, but one said to get a start on really blessing your husband the most... then ask him what he'd like done around the house the most.  What is like his top 3 things he wants always done or whatever. So, I asked my husband.  He was kind of general at first, laundry, dishes, but then with a little coaxing he got more specific.

1) He wants to always have clean washcloths on hand when he gets up in the morning, so he can wash his face as part of his routine.  (We have a lot of wash cloths for our master bathroom, but I may buy another pack just to make sure we don't run out if I get a little behind on laundry.) Also should have clean folded underwear in his drawer as well as socks, every morning.

2) He wants to always have whatever dish/glass/utensil he reaches for to be there. He went on to fuss about how our silverware seems to just disappear.  Does this happen to anyone else? I have to buy more forks and spoons and butter knives several times a year. I've gotten to where I just buy the cheap bundle packs at dollar stores because there's no point in having a nice expensive set if they're going to disappear.

3) He wants the living room picked up and kept neat.  He doesn't like coming home after a 10-12 hour shift at work and finding the living room a complete disaster. This also applies to the kitchen since it's an open floorplan, it's all one big space.

So, I've tried to concentrate on just those things these past few days as I've been to sick to do much else. There's other things too, like his white shirts he didn't mention, but I know he expects them to be there.  Also, having dinner waiting for him when he gets home. He's been working til 11pm several nights, so I try to make sure I keep out a lot of leftovers in containers just for him to eat when he gets home.  I also make sure he has a good packed lunch to take with him as well as a big sports bottle full of iced tea. 

Something I have noticed though since starting this determined way of doing things - striving to be more like the Proverbs 31 woman -- is that he seems to be more critical now (or I am just now seeing it.) Like before, I was pretty snarky and cynical and sometimes just a real Bitch. Maybe I didn't even let myself hear the  criticism then?  Or is it new? I'm not sure, and I don't know which I would prefer it to be. It's kind of discouraging when trying even more than ever to please him and bless him as the head of the household... is when I start to notice how much he does expect me to do for him and how upset he can get if it's not done...  I guess it's just a normal side effect of it and I need to get used to it. Maybe it's there to humble me more. I'm sure I need it.

Also, on the plus side of side effects... Hubby has started to seem a little more self-confident all around.  He definitely seems to be more comfortable in the role of Head of the Household here at home. But I've noticed at work, he seems more confident. Which is exactly what I was going for, so YAY!

It's been hard obeying his wishes too, since I've always been very bullheaded and strong willed. There have been a couple of rearranging ideas that I've had for the house. One of which was moving us out of the master bedroom and letting the 3 younger girls have it (our oldest is hardly ever home and crashes on the couch when she is here.) Then we could have the back bedroom as our bedroom, we'd have the main bathroom as ours since it's right next to the back bedroom, and then the 3rd bedroom would become my office/his gameroom. But he was totally against it.  He said the master bedroom is what sold this house for him and he refused to give it up. He also did not like the idea I had about moving where we have the dining table.  But after I rearranged the kitchen a bit (It's my domain anyway), I decided I agree with him and it's fine where it is.

I'm still not thrilled with the refusing to give up the master, simply because having my office in the laundry room is really starting to get to me.  I need more space.  I want to be able to get out of the space without having to squeeze past the laundry sorter.  He doesn't understand why I can't just have my office in the middle of the living area like I used to. He still has the mind set that my job is just play and I don't really need to concentrate or pay attention.  But it's a real job and it's all real-time questions I have to answer within 2 minutes, but they prefer 30 seconds. They record everything we say and then go back and grade it monthly. Distractions like kids fighting and the TV blaring are not things I want to have to deal with at work. And yeah sometimes it bothers me that I work 40 hours a week and still do all the things I know is my place to do. It's something I am continuing to work through.

He seems a bit more open about things that bother him. He did mention yesterday how embarrassing it was at work to have so many crossed out phone numbers on the management contact list. We use prepaid mobile phones and I've switched us from plan to plan over the last couple of years trying to find the best deal. I had no idea that affected him in such a negative manner.  He now refuses to give them our new Vonage landline.  I think he's afraid of us losing that service due to me not paying the bills, and it being another number to cross out. So, this is a huge enticement for me to always make sure Vonage is paid, and that his cell phone always has minutes.. and when I get him a new phone (he hates his Blackberry) I need to make sure he keeps his current phone number.

He came home last night from work at 11:30, and I'd been in bed finally getting some sleep since 3:30pm, and rather than ask how I was, he remarked that I was still sick and in bed so he guessed Date Night was off. I groggily mentioned we could watch the episode of Bones that he'd missed Thursday, but he didn't seem interested, and just did his own thing on the laptop til 1am when he went to bed.  Again,... I wonder, has he always been this way and I just never noticed before or cared, or is it new? Which is worse? Should I be bothered? I dunno.

Comments

  1. I dunno either Patty, Its too hard to see right now whats going on in his mind. In general I think men are crab cakes sometimes and you just need to keep up the good work and try not to take it so personnel. I am impressed with you sticking to your thought out agenda. Thats certainly not an easy thing to do this time of the year. We are buckling down here also. Time for me to turn into the thrift queen again and quit spending. I always trick myself into justifying somehow.
    Hope you get to feeling better soon...maybe take a warm long bath with a hot toddie to drink and just papmer yourself alittle, read a good book and rest your mind helps too. Rest always helps when your sick. Hang in there,
    Chanda

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I love getting comments, and I read every one. Thanks for coming by my site and reading my ramblings. I hope you have a wonderful day! -Patty

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