Ok, I definitely never wanted to be in this position. It never even occurred to me it might happen.
My oldest child who is 18 and in her first year of college was just overheard by myself as she was telling her younger sister that she's pretty sure she's lost her scholarship. It was the only way we had of putting her through college.
I know I do not want to keep enabling her to just stay up all night, sleep most of the day on my couch, go hang out at her fiance's family's house and work now and then when scheduled. Most of the time I see her she's wearing PJs and hasn't washed her hair is days.. and that's how she goes out.
She's a complete mooch. She'd gladly never do anything ever if she didn't absolutely have to. Which basically is why she apparently has no college career anymore. She missed 5 classes of one block (it's a block program college, so she has one class a day M-F for 3-4 hours each day for about 4-5 weeks.), so even though she got a B+ in the class, it counted as a fail because she missed too many classes and that's school policy. And now, she's barely scraped by with a C- in Sociology which wasn't enough to bring the grade point average up to keep the scholarship.
What do I do?
I am going to wait til it's official and I know for sure she's out of college. But if she really is... how do we deal with that? She has a part time job at a movie theater. Her "fiance" has a job with an inventory-taking company which is just now and then and there's a lot of travel. He's not actually worked yet, just started training and got a uniform shirt. The fiance's mom won't let them move in together at her place. And I just don't have room, and he's certainly not welcome here to stay til they are married, and I don't want a married couple living here unless actively working and making good money and saving for a down payment for a house, ... and even then I'd be leery. I do not have that kind of room.
Yeah yeah she's my daughter and I'm the mom and I should be all about saying the door is always open for her and she always has a home here... but this is the type of person who will NEVER LEAVE.
This is so NOT what I wanted to ever hear, and I am still hoping she's just being melodramatic. maybe I'll call the college and find out what the heck is going on. I've not seen anything in the mail.
I seriously wish I could go back in time and prevent her from ever meeting her "fiance". She's a completely different person than she was before he came along.
:(
***EDIT*** I just had to come post some more on this. I've got to talk to someone and I figure, why not the world! All 4 girls were up making huge amounts of noise even though their dad is trying to sleep since he has to work 12 hours tomorrow. At 2am. I broke it up and they scattered. But of course since the oldest just sleeps on the couch (she refuses to sleep in the full size bed with the 8 yr old who's tiny), she's laying on the couch in her snuggie playing the Wii. I went out there to the living room to turn off the lights and tell her to turn it off and she pretty much ignored me, and then I notice the envelope that I had asked her to deposit at the Electric company so I could get the payment in before they came to collect (I have the nagging feeling my luck has run out). I fuss at her about it and of course she gives me the whole, "I must have forgotten it when I put my jacket on, it's not my fault!" So I ask, "Didn't you realize when you didn't GO to the power company??!" And she's like "No, I'd forgotten about it by then." ....."It's not my fault!"
I've got to wonder, what exactly would make something her fault. I honest to God believe she could get convicted for premeditated murder where she's left so much evidence it's ridiculous AND it's on video... and she'd still say "It's not my fault!"
I am at my wit's end. Everytime I fuss about how she looks and acts and leave the house in such a mess... she just says, "So kick me out then!"
I swear to GOD, one of these days very very soon, I am going to call that bluff. And it will be all her fault.
***EDIT AGAIN*** O M G
She's on the phone with her "fiance" and is telling him how it's all my fault that she went to that school anyway. How I was controlling her life... Hell *I* was shocked she'd been accepted and when they said she had a scholarship I told them to stop lying. She was excited about it. She couldn't wait to go. She's such a big freaking liar. Anyway, she goes on to tell the guy that she really just wanted the whole "college experience" of getting up and going to a class then another etc and spending the day on a campus and eating lunch there and working in the evening. Did she mention she wanted to live on campus?? NO, Did she ask how much extra it would be to get a dorm room?? NO. So now she's upset that this college has the block plan instead of traditional classes... she'd rather buy 6 books at once instead of one at a time... she'd rather have to do papers in 3-4 classes all due the same day instead of one. She'd rather have midterms and finals in 5-6 classes instead of one at a time. Give me a freaking break!
She'll be lucky if she can get into the local community college next fall. I'd be surprised if she ever finishes college.
My oldest child who is 18 and in her first year of college was just overheard by myself as she was telling her younger sister that she's pretty sure she's lost her scholarship. It was the only way we had of putting her through college.
I know I do not want to keep enabling her to just stay up all night, sleep most of the day on my couch, go hang out at her fiance's family's house and work now and then when scheduled. Most of the time I see her she's wearing PJs and hasn't washed her hair is days.. and that's how she goes out.
She's a complete mooch. She'd gladly never do anything ever if she didn't absolutely have to. Which basically is why she apparently has no college career anymore. She missed 5 classes of one block (it's a block program college, so she has one class a day M-F for 3-4 hours each day for about 4-5 weeks.), so even though she got a B+ in the class, it counted as a fail because she missed too many classes and that's school policy. And now, she's barely scraped by with a C- in Sociology which wasn't enough to bring the grade point average up to keep the scholarship.
What do I do?
I am going to wait til it's official and I know for sure she's out of college. But if she really is... how do we deal with that? She has a part time job at a movie theater. Her "fiance" has a job with an inventory-taking company which is just now and then and there's a lot of travel. He's not actually worked yet, just started training and got a uniform shirt. The fiance's mom won't let them move in together at her place. And I just don't have room, and he's certainly not welcome here to stay til they are married, and I don't want a married couple living here unless actively working and making good money and saving for a down payment for a house, ... and even then I'd be leery. I do not have that kind of room.
Yeah yeah she's my daughter and I'm the mom and I should be all about saying the door is always open for her and she always has a home here... but this is the type of person who will NEVER LEAVE.
This is so NOT what I wanted to ever hear, and I am still hoping she's just being melodramatic. maybe I'll call the college and find out what the heck is going on. I've not seen anything in the mail.
I seriously wish I could go back in time and prevent her from ever meeting her "fiance". She's a completely different person than she was before he came along.
:(
***EDIT*** I just had to come post some more on this. I've got to talk to someone and I figure, why not the world! All 4 girls were up making huge amounts of noise even though their dad is trying to sleep since he has to work 12 hours tomorrow. At 2am. I broke it up and they scattered. But of course since the oldest just sleeps on the couch (she refuses to sleep in the full size bed with the 8 yr old who's tiny), she's laying on the couch in her snuggie playing the Wii. I went out there to the living room to turn off the lights and tell her to turn it off and she pretty much ignored me, and then I notice the envelope that I had asked her to deposit at the Electric company so I could get the payment in before they came to collect (I have the nagging feeling my luck has run out). I fuss at her about it and of course she gives me the whole, "I must have forgotten it when I put my jacket on, it's not my fault!" So I ask, "Didn't you realize when you didn't GO to the power company??!" And she's like "No, I'd forgotten about it by then." ....."It's not my fault!"
I've got to wonder, what exactly would make something her fault. I honest to God believe she could get convicted for premeditated murder where she's left so much evidence it's ridiculous AND it's on video... and she'd still say "It's not my fault!"
I am at my wit's end. Everytime I fuss about how she looks and acts and leave the house in such a mess... she just says, "So kick me out then!"
I swear to GOD, one of these days very very soon, I am going to call that bluff. And it will be all her fault.
***EDIT AGAIN*** O M G
She's on the phone with her "fiance" and is telling him how it's all my fault that she went to that school anyway. How I was controlling her life... Hell *I* was shocked she'd been accepted and when they said she had a scholarship I told them to stop lying. She was excited about it. She couldn't wait to go. She's such a big freaking liar. Anyway, she goes on to tell the guy that she really just wanted the whole "college experience" of getting up and going to a class then another etc and spending the day on a campus and eating lunch there and working in the evening. Did she mention she wanted to live on campus?? NO, Did she ask how much extra it would be to get a dorm room?? NO. So now she's upset that this college has the block plan instead of traditional classes... she'd rather buy 6 books at once instead of one at a time... she'd rather have to do papers in 3-4 classes all due the same day instead of one. She'd rather have midterms and finals in 5-6 classes instead of one at a time. Give me a freaking break!
She'll be lucky if she can get into the local community college next fall. I'd be surprised if she ever finishes college.
Patty, I'm sorry.Some times our kids can be such disappointments.Their paths seem to want to go in a way we know is wrong and bad for them but they just don't see it.Hang in there,someday they do have to grow up & it's never too late.Maybe she'll appreciate a college education later on in her life.Maybe this just isn't her time.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest son is extremely bright,he can be anything he chooses.For years he planned on joining the Army & getting his education that way.Then he discovered pot and now he works at Food City and sleeps where ever he can find a "friend" to lend him a couch or floor.He chose to move out because he could not live by our rules.
It hurts.I'm disappointed.But I know he's in God's hands & God has plans for him.Maybe they're not my plans,maybe they're not what I want for him but God knows what is best for His children.
I hope everything works out for you.
I'm sorry Patty, sometimes kids can be so difficult and hard headed. A lot of it is her age. I don't blame you for not wanting to be an enabler. That only compounds the problems and prolongs them. Sometimes the best lessons learned are the hardest lessons to learn and live through. I have a child who always seems to have to learn the hard way even though I told him how it would be. I never say I told you so, but he knows. It seems he just has to do it his way, which is usually so much harder. I'll never understand that. I lwarned a long time ago to listen to my elders, they do know what they are talking about. Hope you get this settled soon.
ReplyDeleteChanda