Beginning to feel a little ...

Annoyed? Put off?  Ignored?  Less than equal in this marriage? Something along those lines anyway.  Now I've been *trying* to do the whole "Husband is the head of the household and I am his helper, etc etc." and it does feel good when that's working well... BUT

I do actually work too, not just as the Homemaker and Stay at Home Mom, and even though my job is done from home, it doesn't really make it any less a JOB.  It is WORK, and sometimes seriously stressful.  A LOT more stressful than it was say 6 months ago even. We have a new task we're doing and they've barely trained any of us on it, gave us a quiz and then set us loose on it.  Now we're getting emails pointing out the mistakes we're making.  We've been so good at other tasks up til now that they honestly expect us to be perfect at EVERYTHING, and while I know we all do work as hard as we can, and ask questions, there are just some mistakes that get made.  There's a lot of pressure. Also, another task we've been doing has entailed me having to have more books within reach, and my desk has become very tiny for some reason. I try to declutter it, but there's just not enough room for all the books open that I need, plus have a place to put my food (cause we get 30 minutes for dinner, and I invariably use that to do laundry or clean the kitchen or pick up after the kids who can't CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES.) /rant  So anyway stuff has started to pile up on the washer since it's the next closest flat surface, seeing as how my office has had to be tucked away in the laundry room.  So, laundry isn't being done again.  I look at the pile of stuff on the washer then look at my desk and just give up. It's too overwhelming. I know that's not the right way to think, but OH WELL.  That's how I think.  

So, this gets me to thinking about how I've had to move my desk all over the damn house. It was in the bedroom which was fine til my eye Dr said working in the dark was contributing to my eyes getting so bad so quickly.  So I had to move out.  I moved to the kitchen, thinking it'd be great to be in the "COMMAND CENTER" of the home.  No. People wouldn't freaking leave me alone.  And the TV was in such a place that I had to move things around to block it from my view so I wouldn't watch it. Needless to say, my productivity went downhill.  So I decided to move to the laundry room. It worked great for a while til I got the stupid notion I needed to be in a more central location again.  It always seems that I end up in the laundry room in the winter time and the living areas in the spring and summer. Well, same problems arose in the living room, and I was too distracted to work, so back to the laundry room.  I've considered turning the walk-in closet into a mini-office, but it's too small. So, I tell myself this is fine.  It's "cozy". Even Hubby has said how nice and cozy it feels. And yes it is. In fact it would be a perfect office IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO WASH, DRY, FOLD, HANG, and SORT EVERYONE'S LAUNDRY in here too.  I don't have room for a decent trashcan so I have one of those little tiny "wastebaskets" which are a freaking joke in this house.  Heck my kitchen garbage can is a 39 gallon monstrosity.  So, anyway trash has overflowed and it's not easy to get out and empty cause I have to move the tower and other stuff, and yes I am lazy, but also, I'm just FED UP.  

Ok, here's the deal.  I have ranted about this before, so if you've heard this, I'm sorry. Go make a sammich, I'll be here later.  We have a 3 bedroom home with a master bathroom and walkin closet in the master bedroom.  It's tucked away at the end behind the laundry room which is behind the kitchen.  The other end of the house past the living room is basically one long hallway with a door immediately to the left which is Zoe's room.  Does the hall from that is the main bathroom which is pretty big, just long and narrow really. Then at the end of the hallway is the older girls' bedroom which takes up the entire width of the home and is pretty spacious the other way as well.  Not sure of the dimensions exactly, but comparing it to their old room and knowing how wide the house is, I'd say it's 10 or 11' x 15'.  Whereas the master bedroom is probably 15x15.  Yeah sounds right.  Ok, SO normally everything is fine and dandy.  The 8 year old has the smallest room (which is still quite big in my opinion) with her big antique bed and all her toys (it doubles as a guest room if people visit so it has a full bed). Then the two teens share the other bedroom and each have a twin and basically are able to divide the room in half - literally.  There's a dividing curtain so Faelyn's half can't be seen from the door.  That's a very good thing.  She's a serious slob. Then of course Christopher and I have the master bedroom. All perfect right?  Well, NO.  I need a freaking office, and I'm starting to lose what sanity I've been grasping onto.  I'm so tired of not having any SPACE.   Anyway, I told you the layout of the house for a reason...  I have begged and pleaded with my husband to change things around drastically. 

What I want to do is move all 3 girls into the master bedroom.  Each of them would have a third of it (it's plenty big enough). They'd have their own bathroom and a huge closet for everyone's clothes.  Still room for dressers, toys, etc. We could even put a canopy around Zoe's bed so it's darker since she has an earlier bedtime than her older sisters. That room stays nice and warm in winter and very cold in summer since it's next to the heat pump. Then we'd use the back bedroom as our bedroom. Plenty of room for the bed, dresser, TV, nightstands. Just nothing but a room to sleep.  Then we'd have the main bathroom as our master bath. Lots more room. We could even install a new double vanity.  And the smallest bedroom could be my office/game room.  I know since the fullsize bed is in there now and there's still room for her toys and a play table etc, that I could easily have mt desk in there, plus the game table, all his gaming book shelves, even another table to expand my work space. A place for the printer and filing cabinet.  It would just make it easier to get the bills organized and keep the house running smoothly.  It sure as heck would make me a lot happier and less stressed and more sane.  

It wouldn't even have to be forever.  I mean Rhiannon leaves for college in 3-4 years.  She just finished her freshman year of highschool. And I know she's going away to college either UTK or Vanderbilt. So, then there's only two kids. They could either stay in the huge master together or we could change bedrooms again and I still keep my office.  So, for 3 years, we go from having a master suite, to having a WING.  Seriously the whole half of the house past the living room would be ours. The only time anyone would need to go down the hall is if a guest needed to use the main bathroom.  Am I nuts?  Doesn't this sound like a good plan?   But what does Christopher say?  NO!!!!!  Seriously he won't even discuss it.  He just keeps saying the only reason he agreed to this house was the master bedroom.  He's wanted a big bedroom his whole life and he's not giving it up, blah blah.  It's like being married to a 12 year old. Meanwhile I WORK FROM HOME and don't have a real dedicated space for my office.  The damn master bedroom is a PIGSTY.  It makes me so sick I can't stand it.  The bed is a mess because neither of us bothers to make it anymore.  The dogs lay on it all day. There are piles of laundry - probably all dirty by now - that may have once been piles of clean clothes. You can't even see the ottoman at the foot of the bed. The clothes are piled on top of and next to it so it's totally hidden.  He has his little folding table he keeps his laptop on so he can lay in bed and read his forums and blogs and comics. The game table is once again completely unused.  His big leather and wood office chair is covered in clothes. The table honestly does nothing but hold his wallet, keys and the trash he takes out of his pockets every night.  Plus all the clutter than just gets piled on it cause it doesn't have another place. The only thing that happens in the room during the daytime is my sleeping in it. Unless one of the kids goes in there to lay on the bed and watch TV. Then at night or after he gets off work, he'll sometimes go in there to watch TV, and one night a week he has a game he plays online with some buddies be met online. But even when we play our online game that he runs, he's in the living room doing it. I have no idea why.  So the whole Sat afternoon the girls can't watch the big TV or play the Wii or just hang in the living room because he takes it over...   So WHY do we NEED such a HUGE messy room??? 

He gets off work at 5pm today.  I'm going to approach it one more time, reminding him it's not forever, and pointing out how he has neglected this wonderful space he has wanted his whole life. And then I'm going to make him really take a good look at my office. Maybe even have him try to do a load of laundry in the mess.  OMG if he could live a day in my shoes, it would be easy to convince him.  Oh don't get me wrong I KNOW how hard he works and he works longer hours than I do, and my job is cushy and all, but I'm sorry that just doesn't justify me being totally pushed to the back corner of the house when I WORK HERE!  

Ok, sorry, I'm just really irate about this whole situation and I need to get it out of my system before I talk to him.  He'll more than likely read this later anyway. Oh well.  Hi Honey. 

So, I do have a plan B and basically he'll have no say in this one at all.  Who knows, after living with Plan B for a while, maybe he'll be begging for PlanA HAHAHA.  So, if he won't let me switch the rooms, then I will take over his game table. Oh he can still have a quarter of it for his weekly game, but I will move my desk chair in there and put my computer on the table (and will have room more more monitors which is really a necessity in this job, so YAY) and I will get back to working in the bedroom. I'll get a good set of headphones so the computer noises and my Jango station don't keep him up.  But the clickity of the keys he'll just have to deal with.  Also, I'll figure out some way to hang some heavy curtains as a sort of canopy on one side of the bed so the light doesn't keep him awake.  I won't have the overhead on, but I will have a desk lamp. 

Then I will move my desk to the kitchen to replace the island and give me more counterspace.  I'll give the island to Corina since she's looking for an apartment, and one she might get could really use an island.  Then I can move the laundry sorter/hanging thingy to where my desk was and I WILL BE ABLE TO WALK INTO MY LAUNDRY ROOM.  Seriously, right now I have to squeeze past the laundry sorter, and God forbid I try doing it with a plate of food or my full mug of tea. 

Ok, so that's out of my system for now. I have 2 hours before he gets home. Then one hour after that before I have to get to work again.  (Obviously we can't switch the rooms around tonight heh, but if I have to do plan B I might just go ahead and do it.)

Whew. 

I need some tea. 

Thanks for listening/reading. 

Patty