Hello everyone! Thanks for dropping by my blog!
Today, I wanted to talk about my husband and my answers to the "Why?" question. Why do we want to do this? Why do we want to get out of debt and live and give like no other?
It was strangely difficult to really answer this at first. It was sort of a known thing in my head, but having to put it to words took some thinking. But finally, this is what I came up with.
I am tired of being scared to answer my phone. I never again want to feel the gut-wrenching, heart stopping panic that happens when I would hear a neighbor who owns a tow-truck drive up the street, because my first thought was they were here to repo my car. I want to be able to enjoy a day out with my girls when they visit, or travel to go visit them or travel to a place we love or have never been - all without worry, and with CASH. To be able to help out any of my girls and their young marriages when they get into a bind. To be able to fix roof leaks or other home repairs quickly, instead of putting a bucket under it and trying to ignore it, because I know there's no way I can pay to get a small repair done, much less a new roof, or whatever else needs to be done. And finally because one day, I want us to be able to buy a little piece of land out in the country, not too far from town, but a quiet place where we can have a big fenced in back yard and a doggie door and a big screened in porch, and be able to foster kittens and cats for the local shelter, and be able to help them out financially throughout the year with various donations to the shelter, as well as other causes my husband and I believe in.
Then I asked my husband what was his "Why?" is, and this was his reply:
So you stop having so much anxiety and can be happier, and stop blaming me for this situation we're in. And so I don't have to f***ing ask permission every time I want to ***damn buy something!"
At first I was sad that he felt I blamed him, though in all honesty, I have for several months, but I know in my heart it's not his fault. We were both dumb with our money for YEARS. Neither of us was ever taught how to manage money at all. We had no skills whatsoever. We racked up credit card debt when we had very young children and he was working his butt off overnight at Kmart stocking, to get the extra dollar/hour pay, and I stayed at home with the girls. We had no business with a credit card, but when he had graduated college we were inundated with them. So, just after baby #3 came along, we filed bankruptcy - the first time.
We learned to be afraid of credit, but never really learned how to budget or live without struggling paycheck to paycheck. We were both spenders, and more interested in making memories with our kids than making sure we stayed out of debt. But we were doing pretty well, to be honest. Not great by any means, and we had a car payment that was WAY too high, but only one little personal loan and one small Kmart credit card. But health insurance premiums were getting crazy high, and we made the decision not to get it one year, and save (HAH, like we saved anything) the money we would have put on premiums... and 17 days into the year, my husband had a heart attack. I've told this story lots of times on here I'm sure. But for any new folks, hubby is fine now, though on lots of meds for the rest of his life. But we ended up racking up over $200k in medical debt - and that was after the hospital made a $95,000 bill (yes 95 Thousand) go away and write it off as charity. So, yep, bankruptcy #2.
That was 11 years ago, almost 12, and we are NOT going to do #3. I made the mistake of thinking we weren't carrying "too much" debt, since my husband made a really good salary (for retail in this area, it was good - but actually still under the national average). But after he quit his job due to stress in July, it came crashing down. But we will get a handle on this, and turn things around and stop the spending and the debt will get paid off, and we will not be put in this position again.
As for the second part of his "Why?", I just died laughing LOL! Poor guy. Even back when he was making the higher salary, I still told him he could only spend so much each week, because our bills took up so much money - the crazy thing is... we just did our budget for December, and we were able to cover our four walls, including money for some new winter clothes (probably thrifted) for me and the kiddo and new Doc Martens for hubby to work in because his crappy shoes are falling apart, and he needs a good quality paid of shoes that will be good on his feet, and have $100 per person for groceries for the money, and we were still able to cover the minimums of all the bills (except maybe one, it'll depend on if he gets sent home any days on his schedule - we just never know, and he's hourly). And that's all on about $1000 less a month than we used to bring home before he quit. We were blowing through $1000 a month so badly, that we had to keep renewing personal loans to pay expenses and get things we "needed", and my husband couldn't have any real pocket money, though he was working his ass off and probably headed for a 2nd heart attack (and did also have to deal with kidney cancer and getting a kidney removed a year ago). That's SO WRONG! It makes me sink just thinking about it.
And believe me the guilt is MAGNIFIED when I think about the money his grandparents left him.... I still have real issues talking about that. It just makes me so mad at myself and both of us and how could we be so stupid yet again. Believe me I understand what they say about people who win the lottery ending up with nothing. That would be us.
So, yeah money is very emotional for both of us. And answering one simple question, has really helped get a lot of things in perspective.
I hope our story and our journey can help someone else out there who seems to just be going through the same bad habit cycles like we were. You actually don't have to live like that anymore. It took me a while to wrap my own head around that thought, but it's true. You can stop doing it, and start making good choices and turn things around. It just takes a decision, and the answer to one simple question, "Why?"
I hope y'all are having a great week! Please come back by for more on our journey. Hubby and I filled out the first 2 parts of the printouts from Stacey Flowers (You can get them from the link in the description of her budget videos like this one.) , and my mind is still boggling over this budget. I keep rechecking it to make sure we didn't miss something, or how could it possibly work, but it does! So check back!
Thanks for reading!
Patty
Today, I wanted to talk about my husband and my answers to the "Why?" question. Why do we want to do this? Why do we want to get out of debt and live and give like no other?
It was strangely difficult to really answer this at first. It was sort of a known thing in my head, but having to put it to words took some thinking. But finally, this is what I came up with.
I am tired of being scared to answer my phone. I never again want to feel the gut-wrenching, heart stopping panic that happens when I would hear a neighbor who owns a tow-truck drive up the street, because my first thought was they were here to repo my car. I want to be able to enjoy a day out with my girls when they visit, or travel to go visit them or travel to a place we love or have never been - all without worry, and with CASH. To be able to help out any of my girls and their young marriages when they get into a bind. To be able to fix roof leaks or other home repairs quickly, instead of putting a bucket under it and trying to ignore it, because I know there's no way I can pay to get a small repair done, much less a new roof, or whatever else needs to be done. And finally because one day, I want us to be able to buy a little piece of land out in the country, not too far from town, but a quiet place where we can have a big fenced in back yard and a doggie door and a big screened in porch, and be able to foster kittens and cats for the local shelter, and be able to help them out financially throughout the year with various donations to the shelter, as well as other causes my husband and I believe in.
Then I asked my husband what was his "Why?" is, and this was his reply:
So you stop having so much anxiety and can be happier, and stop blaming me for this situation we're in. And so I don't have to f***ing ask permission every time I want to ***damn buy something!"
At first I was sad that he felt I blamed him, though in all honesty, I have for several months, but I know in my heart it's not his fault. We were both dumb with our money for YEARS. Neither of us was ever taught how to manage money at all. We had no skills whatsoever. We racked up credit card debt when we had very young children and he was working his butt off overnight at Kmart stocking, to get the extra dollar/hour pay, and I stayed at home with the girls. We had no business with a credit card, but when he had graduated college we were inundated with them. So, just after baby #3 came along, we filed bankruptcy - the first time.
We learned to be afraid of credit, but never really learned how to budget or live without struggling paycheck to paycheck. We were both spenders, and more interested in making memories with our kids than making sure we stayed out of debt. But we were doing pretty well, to be honest. Not great by any means, and we had a car payment that was WAY too high, but only one little personal loan and one small Kmart credit card. But health insurance premiums were getting crazy high, and we made the decision not to get it one year, and save (HAH, like we saved anything) the money we would have put on premiums... and 17 days into the year, my husband had a heart attack. I've told this story lots of times on here I'm sure. But for any new folks, hubby is fine now, though on lots of meds for the rest of his life. But we ended up racking up over $200k in medical debt - and that was after the hospital made a $95,000 bill (yes 95 Thousand) go away and write it off as charity. So, yep, bankruptcy #2.
That was 11 years ago, almost 12, and we are NOT going to do #3. I made the mistake of thinking we weren't carrying "too much" debt, since my husband made a really good salary (for retail in this area, it was good - but actually still under the national average). But after he quit his job due to stress in July, it came crashing down. But we will get a handle on this, and turn things around and stop the spending and the debt will get paid off, and we will not be put in this position again.
As for the second part of his "Why?", I just died laughing LOL! Poor guy. Even back when he was making the higher salary, I still told him he could only spend so much each week, because our bills took up so much money - the crazy thing is... we just did our budget for December, and we were able to cover our four walls, including money for some new winter clothes (probably thrifted) for me and the kiddo and new Doc Martens for hubby to work in because his crappy shoes are falling apart, and he needs a good quality paid of shoes that will be good on his feet, and have $100 per person for groceries for the money, and we were still able to cover the minimums of all the bills (except maybe one, it'll depend on if he gets sent home any days on his schedule - we just never know, and he's hourly). And that's all on about $1000 less a month than we used to bring home before he quit. We were blowing through $1000 a month so badly, that we had to keep renewing personal loans to pay expenses and get things we "needed", and my husband couldn't have any real pocket money, though he was working his ass off and probably headed for a 2nd heart attack (and did also have to deal with kidney cancer and getting a kidney removed a year ago). That's SO WRONG! It makes me sink just thinking about it.
And believe me the guilt is MAGNIFIED when I think about the money his grandparents left him.... I still have real issues talking about that. It just makes me so mad at myself and both of us and how could we be so stupid yet again. Believe me I understand what they say about people who win the lottery ending up with nothing. That would be us.
So, yeah money is very emotional for both of us. And answering one simple question, has really helped get a lot of things in perspective.
I hope our story and our journey can help someone else out there who seems to just be going through the same bad habit cycles like we were. You actually don't have to live like that anymore. It took me a while to wrap my own head around that thought, but it's true. You can stop doing it, and start making good choices and turn things around. It just takes a decision, and the answer to one simple question, "Why?"
I hope y'all are having a great week! Please come back by for more on our journey. Hubby and I filled out the first 2 parts of the printouts from Stacey Flowers (You can get them from the link in the description of her budget videos like this one.) , and my mind is still boggling over this budget. I keep rechecking it to make sure we didn't miss something, or how could it possibly work, but it does! So check back!
Thanks for reading!
Patty
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I love getting comments, and I read every one. Thanks for coming by my site and reading my ramblings. I hope you have a wonderful day! -Patty